Writing Is A Battlefield

I love writing, but there are times I hate it. Most times I hate when I really want to write, but can't because my real life gets in the way. I'm not saying it's my excuse to not write, but it's very hard to sometimes squeeze even 5 minutes of writing, let alone write a whole book.

These are the bad days, when I feel uninspired and useless as I sit in front of the computer. These are the days I know there's no way in hell I'll ever be published because I know I'm not good enough. And even if I manage to finish, who would actually want to read what I have to say? These are the days I feel completely unimaginative and uncreative and I know I'll never be able to finish. These are the days I come up with a billion excuses of why I should just give it up and find another option to make my mark. These are the days I can sit in front of the computer without a single idea or word to write down. These are the very bad days.

They don't happen everyday, but often enough to scare me into sometimes believing it's true. That I have no talent and I should quit wasting my time. And then something will happen, a great idea comes to mind or I finally figure out where I'm going next and those feelings completely disappear.

If I've learned anything over the years, writing's a battle and you're the only one who can guarantee that your side wins.

The Way I Write

I think about how I write a lot, because no one person writes the same way, that's why we're all individuals and unique. Like I've mentioned before, I've been writing for as long as I can remember. It's the only thing besides motherhood that's truly come naturally to me. Ideas pop into my head a lot and my brain's always working, even when I sleep.


A lot of times I'll have this dream, sometimes great, other times not so much, and it'll help me where I'm stuck or it'll just give a great idea for another book I'm working on. I never use my dreams exactly how I dream them because then I'd have a lot of stories of me and Jensen Ackles fighting demons and kicking some serious ass. It would get kind of boring if you'd have to read that more than once. So I usually take the idea and make a lot of changes or I won't end up using it at all. But it's usually a start.

Which kind of brings me to my next point. When I'm working on a book I already have a clear visual in my head of what the characters look like and what music would best go with their flow. After I've picked the music, everything in my head is no longer 2 dimensional. It all ends up like a little movie playing in my head or maybe even a music video with a lot of talking. It's all clear and I can picture everything happening as it's happening.

I've had a fascination with movies for as long as I can remember and they're almost always in my head. That's probably why it isn't a steep step to picturing my books the way I do. When I was a kid, I used to think life was one big movie and someone out there was watching, probably getting a huge kick out of everything. I had a very active imagination growing up, which for the most part has helped tremendously with writing.

Writing the Blog

The ego in me tells me I can actually write. I have the talent to actually write a full fledge novel. Some of the stuff I've written is half way decent enough for people to read, and I've been told they like it (but mom's always tell their kids how much they like the things they do. It's in their mommy contract. I should know, I signed my own 7 years ago.

As I was saying, no issues whatsoever writing a book, but when it comes to writing a blog I'm more than a little intimidated. I feel like that kid that's picked last to play baseball. My sense of humor ends up disappearing and I don know what to write. Do I write a funny blog with the sense of humor of a wet leaf? Do I become this serious person I never am? There are just so many fears and thoughts that go through my head when I'm thinking of what to write I end up coming off like someone whose blog I'd never read. No humor, no sarcasm or anything interesting at all.

Most of the time I feel untrue to myself. Or maybe it's really me and I'm really just that boring and no one would actually want to read about me and my life. For being an only child, I still have a shy streak that tells me I shouldn't toot my own horn because it's just not right. But there isn't wrong with blaring your own horn (and train whistle) every once in awhile because everyone needs that healthy dose of ego and selfishness.

I'm going to add another resolution to my list (I promised you I would): when it comes to blog writing I'm not going to hold back like I used. I will be honest about things that matter, but certain things that are close to my heart will never be mentioned here.

Well, here's to a new year and being a more open me.

Motivation Station . . .

Is definitely a closed train depot at my house. Maybe not so much closed indefinitely, but down for repairs. I went to see "The Nutcracker" with my daughter tonight because A) she'd never seen the actual ballet, just the Barbie version of it, B) it's a great Christmas tradition and C) it's my favorite ballet in to watch in the world. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a ballerina, but, well, that meant I had to work at it and I was a pretty lazy kid when it came to most sports and any athleticism. I spent most of my life, wishing I had the guts to at least try it out and see if I liked it. But I didn't. So now I watch the dancers in awe, wishing I had the motivation, desire and drive to want to do something that bad and it got me thinking. There aren't many things I've done in my life that bring out that inspiring drive in me. Just two very simple things: baking and writing. A very odd combination, but apparently for me, it works.

Motivation's a Killer

I joined this writing a book in a month thingy, because as you all know, I've been trying to finish a book for as long as I've been writing. Since I was 10 to be exact. So that's my goal for the month of November, which is going to prove to be a busy one for me, I think. I've also started classes to get my bachelor's, so I'm also going to school part time. I'm pretty proud of myself right now. Now all I have to do is win the lotto and I'll be all set. Ha! Me win the lotto! Good luck with that. I'm trying to finish at least one of the two books I've been working on. I'm not doing too bad if I say so myself.

This is my word count for the book I've called "Homecoming":

And this is the word count for "Breakaway":

I'm pretty proud of both of them and I've grown pretty attached to both of stories.

Writer In Training- Take One

I am a writer in training. Yes, I admit it. For years I've been writing and for years I've been saying I want to be published. And honestly, I'm sick of saying and not doing. So this is my blog and how I'm going to manage that. I've decided start with a schedule, since that's the only way I think I'll ever get anything done. My goal is to write at least 30 minutes a day and at least 1,000 words a week. I guess we'll see how that goes.