Survivor

I survived NANOWRIMO by some miracle and I managed to make my word count. Yeah, I'm pretty proud of myself. Now I can go back to my hectic daily life that leaves room for practically nothing.

And it's almost the holidays, which means it's almost the new year. Which is always a good thing. New year's always mean a new start and a whole lot of promise.

All Nanowrimo's Eve

Its almost November, which means it's almost Nanowrimo time. It also means I will be pretty much absent because I'll be doing the whole mom thing I like doing, and the extra time will be spent writing. And trying to finish a 50,000 word book. Crossing fingers now.

When I get back to blogging come December the first, I'll be putting my 100 favorite movies. It'll give me the incentive I need to blog more often.

I might put post a few times, just to let everyone know I'm still alive. Until then, ciao!

Me, a Bad Writer?

I've been such a bad writer and I'm not going to make any excuses. I lead a busy life and most nights I crawl into bed exhausted beyond belief without touching a pen and paper or a computer. My brain is constantly working on new plots and stories and they're almost never acted upon. Yes, this makes me a bad writer.

Well, maybe not such a bad writer, but definitely lazy. I follow a lot of author's blogs and I think "man, wouldn't that be nice?" But I don't do anything about it. So really, it's my own fault. I'm very schooled in self blame and I've learned to accept that.

Next month is Nanowrimo and I've decided to particpate again. I even have brand new book to write. I'm determined to win. When I win, I'll be able to prove to myself that I'm not always lazy when it comes to my writing.

throwing out the book

I've decided it's time for me and my book "Homecoming" to take a hiatus. Not permanently, but we really do need a break from each other, you know to gain apprectiation and grow a little. Absence makes the heart grow fonder after all. During this break, I'm going to work on a new project that I haven't been able to get out of my head. It's tentatively called "Dani" because I haven't come up with a decent title as of yet.

I'm pretty excited about it. It has 2 characters I'm really looking forward to writing about and hopefully we'll all get something out of the relationship. And that being said, once I purge my brain of all those ideas, I think I'll be ready to give "Homecoming" another go.

Writing Is A Battlefield

I love writing, but there are times I hate it. Most times I hate when I really want to write, but can't because my real life gets in the way. I'm not saying it's my excuse to not write, but it's very hard to sometimes squeeze even 5 minutes of writing, let alone write a whole book.

These are the bad days, when I feel uninspired and useless as I sit in front of the computer. These are the days I know there's no way in hell I'll ever be published because I know I'm not good enough. And even if I manage to finish, who would actually want to read what I have to say? These are the days I feel completely unimaginative and uncreative and I know I'll never be able to finish. These are the days I come up with a billion excuses of why I should just give it up and find another option to make my mark. These are the days I can sit in front of the computer without a single idea or word to write down. These are the very bad days.

They don't happen everyday, but often enough to scare me into sometimes believing it's true. That I have no talent and I should quit wasting my time. And then something will happen, a great idea comes to mind or I finally figure out where I'm going next and those feelings completely disappear.

If I've learned anything over the years, writing's a battle and you're the only one who can guarantee that your side wins.

The Way I Write

I think about how I write a lot, because no one person writes the same way, that's why we're all individuals and unique. Like I've mentioned before, I've been writing for as long as I can remember. It's the only thing besides motherhood that's truly come naturally to me. Ideas pop into my head a lot and my brain's always working, even when I sleep.


A lot of times I'll have this dream, sometimes great, other times not so much, and it'll help me where I'm stuck or it'll just give a great idea for another book I'm working on. I never use my dreams exactly how I dream them because then I'd have a lot of stories of me and Jensen Ackles fighting demons and kicking some serious ass. It would get kind of boring if you'd have to read that more than once. So I usually take the idea and make a lot of changes or I won't end up using it at all. But it's usually a start.

Which kind of brings me to my next point. When I'm working on a book I already have a clear visual in my head of what the characters look like and what music would best go with their flow. After I've picked the music, everything in my head is no longer 2 dimensional. It all ends up like a little movie playing in my head or maybe even a music video with a lot of talking. It's all clear and I can picture everything happening as it's happening.

I've had a fascination with movies for as long as I can remember and they're almost always in my head. That's probably why it isn't a steep step to picturing my books the way I do. When I was a kid, I used to think life was one big movie and someone out there was watching, probably getting a huge kick out of everything. I had a very active imagination growing up, which for the most part has helped tremendously with writing.

Writing the Blog

The ego in me tells me I can actually write. I have the talent to actually write a full fledge novel. Some of the stuff I've written is half way decent enough for people to read, and I've been told they like it (but mom's always tell their kids how much they like the things they do. It's in their mommy contract. I should know, I signed my own 7 years ago.

As I was saying, no issues whatsoever writing a book, but when it comes to writing a blog I'm more than a little intimidated. I feel like that kid that's picked last to play baseball. My sense of humor ends up disappearing and I don know what to write. Do I write a funny blog with the sense of humor of a wet leaf? Do I become this serious person I never am? There are just so many fears and thoughts that go through my head when I'm thinking of what to write I end up coming off like someone whose blog I'd never read. No humor, no sarcasm or anything interesting at all.

Most of the time I feel untrue to myself. Or maybe it's really me and I'm really just that boring and no one would actually want to read about me and my life. For being an only child, I still have a shy streak that tells me I shouldn't toot my own horn because it's just not right. But there isn't wrong with blaring your own horn (and train whistle) every once in awhile because everyone needs that healthy dose of ego and selfishness.

I'm going to add another resolution to my list (I promised you I would): when it comes to blog writing I'm not going to hold back like I used. I will be honest about things that matter, but certain things that are close to my heart will never be mentioned here.

Well, here's to a new year and being a more open me.